Things are starting to look up.

 

I feel this way because tonight, at bootcamp, I felt powerful! I felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders and I could actually do things. I didn't complain that much.. well.. except for the yoga ball incident. I was trying to do the chest fly on the yoga ball and the ball slipped out underneath me. My bootcamp friend Heather and instructor, CJ witnessed the whole thing and started laughing immediately. CJ was proud though, he noticed that I didn't drop the weight. I didn't notice them laughing nor the weights, I was too concerned about the ball rolling away and trying to continue my chest fly.

 

Well, thats all for now.. I'll have more for you really soon!

Tomorrow.. is the official weigh in..

 

Its not going to go well for me. So I'll ruin the surprise.

 

But I'm making some active changes and I've made some wise purchases and we'll see what happens next month!

 

Good luck everyone. See you tomorrow!

Failure.

 

That's what I feel like. I've had a knee injury for almost 3 months. I was just cleared for working out again last Thursday by my physical therapist.

 

I'm reading my fellow contestants blogs and they're doing fantastic. While I'm struggling to be down. I keep telling myself that next month, will be different. Will it? Will the pressure get to me?

 

I have to take the accountability for what I've been saying this whole time.

 

So here's to Saturday's failure and next month's success!

I hope I just made a good decision..

 

I was on a website/app called MyFitnessPal. It was by far the best weight loss tool that I've found. I did try SparkPeople for a little bit, but I found that their website was a bit harder to navigate. And at the time, I don't think that they had an app.

 

Anywho.. So I was on MFP for almost a year and I found that I'm a victim to their website and always logging on my phone. I was victim to counting every little thing.

 

Truth is, I think I became obsessed and I felt trapped. I lost 40# last year and I did it with cutting back on greasy foods, eating more vegetables & fruits, and exercising. Those 40# came off without counting every little thing. It came off without spark people and it came off without MFP. And I felt great.

 

So... drum roll please........

 

I deleted  my MFP account and I uninstalled the app from my phone. I don't want to feel trapped anymore. I want to feel free and I want to live my life.

 

So starting tomorrow, I'm going to be plan free and live life. I'm not going to worry about those numbers and I'm going to do what feels right. If things don't happen according to plan (I'll give it an honest month), then I will go back to their plan of counting calories.

 

But I have a goal. Not so much of a weight loss goal, but a size goal. I'd like to go down 2 sizes in the next 7-8 weeks. I want to be smaller for when I go on vacation to Vegas. I want to feel better in the skin that I've got.

 

I can do this. There's nothing stopping me, well, except for me..

As I was reading some of the fellow contestants blogs, I'm realizing more about myself. I'm realizing that I could probably be doing better (bum knee or not). I realized that I should be out there, doing the hard work and dedicating myself to this diet. Instead, I lay in bed or sit on the couch and complain how my knee hurts and how I can't do anything. I make excuses for what I can't do and I don't want to try anything else. I need to stop making the excuses. I need to hold myself accountable. This past Tuesday was a year anniversary of me making better decisions for myself and to try and start getting healthy.

 

So I went to my gym's bootcamp class today and the instructor (also my personal trainer) modified almost everything for me. I'm still indecisive about how I felt about going. All my bootcamp ladies were rocking it out without me. One set of exercises, they were exercising around me and I felt like a fish out of water. But like it was said to me, "at least you're here."

 

So I've decided to get back on the horse. I've gotta try and do what I can do with this knee issue. I can't let it restrain me.

 

To all the fellow contestants, great job.. 

You guys have done a wonderful job trying to get healthier, just like me. 

Theres good news and theres bad news.

 

I met with my orthopedic. Looks like I don't have to have surgery. I do however, have, anterior patella tracking syndrome. It was explained that its a common sydrome where your knee cap unhinges and causes pain, discomfort and swelling. I can't run, can't do the eliptical and can't do any lower extremity exercises. So I'm still trying to find alternatives to lose this weight and not cause anymore damage. But, I  start physical therapy tomorrow. I'm nervous!

 

On the other hand.. Today was my one year anniversery of starting a healthier lifestyle. I quit the soda and started working out. However, its getting boring. I need more motivation to keep going. I feel like this is a never ending process and its never gonna be me thats the winner.

 

This is a very slow process. I just have to tune into the patience factor. Patience is something that I don't have. I need to work on that as well.

 

 

So it's time to be honest with myself and everyone else..

 

I hurt my knee a little while ago, it hurts more than anything. The thought of stairs, getting up from a seated position or anything that requires lots of movement, hurts. I got an MRI on Friday, I'm still awaiting the results..

 

So if that means surgery, I won't be the biggest loser of this contest. I'm not off to a fantastic start, I've only lost like 2lbs so far. I'm unable to work out though...  I've given up until I see my ortho with my results. That'll be Tuesday.

 

Wish me luck..

So I decided to invest in a heart rate monitor. It should be here next Tuesday. I'm pretty excited. I heard that it can give you more accurate counts of how many calories you burn per a given time. I'm eager to learn what kind of calories my body burns during my workouts.

 

My fitness pal (the app and website that I use) gives estimates to how many calories certain activities burn. But honestly, I think their estimates are a bit high. So I'll have to be the judge and do my own calculations.

 

On that note, I had a powerful lifting day. I benched 50#, but my personal trainer, CJ, thinks I can do a lot more. So I'm assuming that he's going to be upping the weight in our next session.

 

I've been doing cardio and strength training everyday. I think its important to do both. Don't be a cardio junkie! 

So how about that SuperBowl? I watched it on and off. Snacking took the best of me. I made some poor choices, but today is a new day!

 

Its life, eating bad is apart of it. But it doesn't have to be everyday!

So, there it is... my weight and all my personal information was posted on-line and in the newspaper. I have to admit, that was the most intimidating factor about this process. Having people you know, strangers, colleagues and anyone from around the world, looking at the article. Knowing things about you- personal things. It made me think about people that put their lives on television. They're inspiring. They put themselves on the television and bare all. Those on the Biggest Loser stand there in their shorts and a sports bras, vulnerable to the world. While I'm sitting here complaining about the News-Herald taking my picture in my jeans and sweater and posting my weight in the paper.

 

But I have to give credit to my friend and gym buddy Shelly. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be doing this contest. She helped me put this contest in perspective for me. I initially freaked out at the thought of having my weight in the paper and Shelly and I talked about it. She said "Ang, its not like someone can't guess what you weigh. Now its just in print." And she's right. Its not like you can't look at me or the next person and guesstimate what they weigh, what their pants size is or whatever else kinda personal information you're estimating.

 

I have to start somewhere though. With my personal business on-line and in print, that motivates me to be that much better.

 

"You are more important than any number" - Author Unknown

So, I was doing great this week. Great until Thursday happened and I became under the weather. I'm pretty sure its just Ohio allergies and sinuses with this wacky weather that we've been having..

 

But Thursday was my crash day. I have to admit, I think I ate almost everything in sight. But that isn't going to put me down. I'm going to get back up and fight back. One bad day isn't going to kill me. Tomorrow is a new day. Tomorrow is what you're going to make of it..

So initial weigh in was Sunday. That was a little nerve wrecking. To know that your weight and personal information is going to be on-line and in the newspaper, its a little overwhelming. But you have to start somewhere. You have to take accountability for your actions. You've made it this way and if change is what you need, then YOU need to do it. That's what I'm trying to focus on the most. This is what I need. This is what I want. So here starts my journey...

 

My initial journey started when I couldn't fit into my "normal" sized pants. I remember being in the dressing room in the mall, struggling, trying to get the new jeans buttoned. I remember my best friend, who was in the next stall, asking me "So how do they fit?" I lied to her. I told her they were too long so I wasn't going to get them. I'm not sure if she could hear the lie in my voice or if she took my answer with a grain of salt. But we never talked about it and I don't think I've even told her the truth until now.

 

I started by giving up pop (soda) February 15, 2011. I used to be obsessed with Diet Dr. Pepper. By the time I quit, I was down to 2 cans a day. But on that cold February day, I quit cold turkey. I'll must be a true pop addict because I'm not going to lie, I miss that can of pop, everyday. Every time I'm at a checkout and I see the pop machines, every time I see fountain machines and every time I hear someone else open a can/bottle; I crave that bubbly drink.

 

So back to the initial weigh in and this contest. I have big goals and I know that I'm not going to succeed without making a life change. I'm not going to make a life change unless I don't take responsibility and accountability for my actions. I hope to help at least one person through this journey. If I do that, then I know that I've made a difference while helping myself.

 

I started working out Monday morning. I did some abs and some arms. It's Wednesday and I'll tell you what, my abs are still burning. It feels like someone lit a fire in my rib area and its trying to escape. But they say you're doing it "right" when it burns. So we'll see...

 

I tried running today, didn't go so well. I wanted to go at least 5 minutes without stopping. I made it a whole 2 minutes.

 

I have to start somewhere.

Even though I feel like I failed, I had to start somewhere.

Not starting at all, would have been the true failure.